Die hilfreichsten Kundenrezensionen auf Amazon. This definitely appears to be a book that will be a helpful resource, having activities that many different ages can use to allow children to open up and express themselves. There are many opportunities for teen age children to seek help through ALOTEEN, having more outlets, and an adility to understand addiction.
Young children often times don't even have the words for addiction and are wired to blame themselves. This book will give you understanding of what little ones need to do for their recovery. The book isn't so much about how to help a child or even see addiction through a child's eyes as the title implies.
I would like to have read more clinical information and developmental information re: Jerry Moe is an expert on children's experience of parental addiction. This is a great resource for both parents and professionals. Canadian Senator and former soldier Dallaire discusses international efforts to end the use of child soldiers in armed conflict. Available in some locations. Security expert De Becker offers parents tips to keep their children safe. Streaming Audiobook - Hofmann details the iPhone contract she first created for use with her son to help define expectations and boundaries.
Instantly available on hoopla. Helps parents identify if their children are in danger of becoming victims or perpetrators of violence and provides practical tips for reducing harm to and by children. Also available in book format. A collection of short stories and interviews from former child soldiers.
Compassion for others has been found to be deeply rooted in human nature ; it has a biological basis in the brain and body. It seems that we are wired to respond to others in need. In fact, helping others brings the same pleasure we get from the gratification of personal desire.
In addition, it has been found that when young children and adults feel compassion for others, this emotion is reflected in very real physiological changes. Their heart rate goes down from baseline levels, which prepares them not to fight or flee, but to approach and sooth. In other words, science is now telling us that having compassion for others is actually good for us. In the last 30 years we have seen the science of psychology and studies of the human brain begin to put compassion, caring, and prosocial behavior center stage in the development of well-being, mental health and our capacity to foster harmonious relationships with each other and the world we live in.
In recent years in particular, the work of many researchers has revealed, among other insights, that the kindness, support, encouragement, and compassion from others have a huge impact on how our brains, bodies, and general sense of well-being develop. Love and kindness, especially in early life, even affect how some of our genes are expressed Gilbert , Cozolino Compassion is especially effective when it comes to healing substance abuse problems, especially the issue of shame. Addiction and shame are closely connected. In fact, most, if not all who have substance abuse problems have been shamed, both by their childhood experiences and by their behavior surrounding their addiction.
Like a poison, toxic shame needs to be neutralized by another substance—an antidote—if the patient is to be saved. And as it turns out, compassion is the only thing that can counteract the isolating, stigmatizing, debilitating poison of shame. It can be difficult to join your loved one in his suffering if he does not share it with you. Often those who are substance or activity dependent act as if they are fine and deny they have a problem. They even tell you that the problem is yours—not theirs.
So how can you provide compassion if your loved one does not share his suffering with you? First of all, assume your loved one is suffering whether she admits it or not. Second, create a compassionate environment around your loved one—one that supports her emotionally and encourages her to come out of denial. You can do this in several ways:. By following these guidelines you can begin to provide for your loved one and yourself the kind of compassionate environment that will act as a safe and secure place for her or him to be in.
This safety and security will, in turn, help her or him to take the steps and the risks he or she will need to take in order to recover. You no doubt feel relieved to learn that there is actually something you can do to help your loved one in his recovery. You like the idea of creating a compassionate environment and you are eager to begin doing so. But it is very likely that there will be some obstacles in your way. These obstacles can include:. The first and probably most powerful obstacle is your anger and resentment toward your partner.
After all, it is highly likely that you have been deeply hurt by your loved one's behavior. And you may feel deeply disappointed and betrayed. After all, this is not what you signed up for. If the addicted person in your life is your partner, it is likely that you got involved with a man you admired and looked up to and this man let you down in very painful ways.
You may recognize that in spite of your love for your partner or family member, in spite of your desire to help him, these feelings may get in your way of experiencing compassion for him. One of the most powerful things you can do to support your loved one in his recovery is to stop shaming him. In fact, shaming causes more harm than good.
Your work on ridding yourself of your anger toward your partner will help you to begin to break what may have become a habit to shame him. Few people are actually changed by shaming them. Instead, what is created is an angry person who feels terrible about himself and has little motivation to change his behavior. In addition, when we shame someone we alienate and isolate him, which tends to make him feel disconnected from others.
This angry person who now hates himself and consequently has little motivation to change and who also feels disconnected from others is far more likely to continue his addictive behavior. But many in the field now understand, and studies have proven—that this kind of confrontation increases resistance. Whether your partner admits it or not, he is carrying around a heavy load of shame because of his behavior. Substance abusers usually have a great deal of shame about the things they have done as a result of their addiction getting sloppy drunk at an office party and telling off his boss, causing his family to lose their house because of his compulsive gambling , being arrested for soliciting a prostitute because of his sexual addiction.
Humiliating him further, making him out to be a selfish monster will only cause him to remain defensive. There are many reasons why shame is at the core of most addictions and dependencies including codependency including:. They recruited about women and men from the rooms of AA—all with less than six months of sobriety.
They measured their levels of shame and other emotions, along with personality traits, and then 4 months later they checked on how they were doing in recovery. One reason shame has gone unstudied is that it is a very difficult emotion to capture. People who are experiencing shame tend to hide it and escape it, not talk about it openly. Tracy and Randles decided to measure the level of shame and access its effect on behavior by noting their body language. Later, they analyzed and coded their body movements and postures as a measure of their shameful feelings.
People who were ashamed act very much like submissive animals, slumping their shoulders and narrowing their chest, the opposite of proud chest beating. This physical display of shame may be universal: It has been observed in a range of species and in both adults and children in many cultures. The scientists wanted to see if shameful body language correlated with mental and physical health and especially with successful sobriety four months later.
But with those who did, there was an unmistakable connection between shame and relapse.
The alcoholics who were most ashamed about their last drink—typically a humiliating experience—were more likely to relapse. Their relapses were also more severe, involving much more drinking, and they were more likely to suffer other declines in health.
In short, feelings of shame do not appear to promote sobriety or protect against future problematic drinking—indeed the opposite.
Study in journal of Clinical Psychological Sciences. This is the first scientific evidence to bolster what alcoholism counselors and recovering alcoholics have long known: Shame is a core emotion underlying chronic heavy drinking. The power of AA is that it offers something that replaces the negative emotion that most alcoholics know all too intimately.
As a counselor, my specialty for thirty-five years has been working with adults who were abused as children.
I have found that most of my clients suffer from debilitating shame: While everyone experiences shame from time to time, and many have issues related to shame, adult victims of childhood abuse suffer from shame more often and have far more issues related to shame than any other group of people. Victims of childhood abuse tend to feel shame because, as human beings, we want to believe that we have control over what happens to us. When that is challenged by a victimization of any kind, we feel humiliated. We believe we should have been able to defend ourselves.
This powerlessness leads to humiliation and to shame. Because substance abusers are already filled with shame it is very important that you do not add to that stockpile of shame if you can help it. Shaming your partner only serves to make him feel worse about himself. Since your goal is to support him, you want to do everything you can to help him feel better about himself, not the opposite.
Letting go of shaming behavior can be difficult because it probably has become a habit. It has also likely become a way for you to release your frustration and anger at his behavior. Once you take responsibility for releasing your anger in constructive ways it is an ongoing process, not a one-time thing you will find that you are less likely to want to shame your partner. In order to break your habit of shaming your partner, begin to notice how often you shame him with statements such as:.